Better Negotiation: What's Behind the "Never Split the Difference" Narrative
This common mantra carries a deeper message than the at first glance, hard-lined approach it projects.
THE NARRATIVE
"Never split the difference" is a staple phrase of successful negotiations, most notably attached to FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.
This narrative challenges the conventional wisdom of "meeting in the middle" or compromising by splitting things 50-50. But it is not as straightforward or hard-lined as the phrase projects, making it what I call an outset misleading narrative—a narrative that, at first glance, has a different implication or interpretation than its deeper meaning.
THE DECONSTRUCTION
The actual core idea of this narrative is that simply dividing something down the middle often leads to suboptimal outcomes where both parties lose value. Instead, Voss advocates for using emotional intelligence, tactical empathy, and specific negotiation techniques to find better solutions that create more value for all parties involved.
For example, rather than splitting a $10,000 deal at $5,000, skilled negotiators might find ways to address underlying interests and needs that could result in both parties getting more of what they truly want - whether that's flexible payment terms, additional services, longer contracts, or other forms of value beyond just the monetary amount. (You see, friend, there are always nuances to everything.)
The key here is the negotiated thing is only a thing: its meaning and significance to the parties involved are what matter most and often where a better result lies.
"Successful negotiation is not about getting to 'yes'; it's about mastering 'no' and understanding what the path to an agreement is.”
-Chris Voss
REFRAME, REFINE, REWRITE
Here are five proven strategies that strike the right balance when you’re negotiating:
Embrace the power of strategic concessions. Instead of viewing concessions as weaknesses, treat them as investments in a continued relationship. The trick is to identify low-cost, high-value items for your counterpart. For example, if timing matters more to them than price, offering flexible payment terms might secure you a better overall deal. This approach builds goodwill while preserving your core interests.
Focus on interests, not status. When we fixate on initial demands, we miss creative solutions hiding beneath the surface. A software vendor and client stuck on pricing might discover that the real issue is implementation risk. Both parties can move forward confidently by restructuring the deal to include performance guarantees. This interest-based approach often reveals opportunities for mutual gain that position-based bargaining obscures.
Use objective criteria to ease stand-stills. Rather than arguing over who's right or wrong, collaborate on finding the right reference points to guide your negotiation, introducing neutral standards like Industry benchmarks, market rates, or precedent deals.
Maintain multiple proposals simultaneously. Instead of moving linearly from one proposal to the next, present several options simultaneously. This approach, known as MESOs (Multiple Equivalent Simultaneous Offers), helps you understand what your counterpart values most while maintaining momentum. When they choose between options, their preferences become clearer, enabling more targeted solutions.
Build in implementation safeguards. Many negotiations fail not at the table but during execution. Address potential friction points upfront by including review periods, adjustment mechanisms, and transparent dispute resolution procedures. These safeguards give both parties the confidence to make bigger commitments, knowing they have recourse if circumstances change.
Success in negotiation isn't measured by how much you take from the other side but by how much value you create together. And that, friends, is what "never splitting the difference" really means.
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